The Older Mom
When do we become The Older Mom? Is it when we reach the magical age of 35 and are classified as “advanced maternal age?” Or when we’ve delayed motherhood past all of our friends? Or when we get asked if we’re the grandmother?
There’s no specific marker that declares a woman an older mom, but we know it when we feel it.
I gave birth to my daughter at age 43, way past the age I had expected to have a child. My older children were 13 and 11 years old when Sylvia was born, an age gap that has me parenting across decades.
And yes, I’ve been called her grandmother and had to put on reading glasses to go through her backpack.
But honestly, those aren’t the toughest things about being a late in life parent.
The toughest part is finding a peer group.
Most of my friends are empty nesters, or close to it.
Most women with children Sylvia’s age are 20 years younger than I am.
Where do I fit in? Who do I hang out with?
When my older friends want to get together, they don’t have to make sure there is someone home to hang out with their kid or make sure they haven’t been gone from them too much.
When women with kids Sylvia’s age hang out, they can talk about the decades ahead of them in building their families or careers while I’m looking at retirement plans.
Yes, there are common elements in our lives and I treasure my long-time friends now more than ever. And being with younger moms gives me an opportunity to share my experiences from parenting my older girls.
But if I want someone who knows what it’s like to go through menopause with a child in elementary school, she’s hard to find.
Or someone who talks about arthritis while their kids are on a playdate, I don’t know where she is.
These are the conversations I crave, but don’t have the opportunity for.
That’s why I started The Older Mom.
I want to create a community of women who get what it’s like to be middle-age exhausted, but still have to take a kid to soccer practice.
If you’re one of those women, welcome to The Older Mom.
Please email me any ideas you have for topics to cover or areas of life where you need support. Comment on blog posts that resonate with you and chime in with ideas that have worked well for you.
And if you’re not The Older Mom, please share with anyone you know who is. Statiscally, I know we’re out there. We’re just few and far between.
Thanks for visiting me. I’m looking forward to meeting all my new friends and connecting this world of Older Moms.
We rock, we’re just tired afterward.
If you’d like to find a community of older moms online, sign up to receive the Older Moms Survive and Thrive Newsletter with ideas and inspiration on Managing Motherhood in Midlife.